A little more bitter than expected

We're almost to the 10-day count-down. I've made a lot of progress on packing, our rental house is completely set, we've applied for our construction loan, we have building permits, and site prep will start Wednesday. It all continues to fall into place so easily it still seems slightly unreal.

We've started the good-bye process. We've had one official party, a lovely little dinner, tea at the Huntington Garden with Bella's lovely little friends and a great day at Universal Studios with our son Dexter's good friends. Next week will be a little harder, with a final day of school and last good-byes to childhood buddies. I've expected this part to be bitter-sweet, and for my children it is. For Bella, mostly sweet. For Dexter, a little more bitter, but still tempered by the excitement of a week with fun cousins and doting grandparents and the lure of nearly 12 acres of land to explore. We're still in the world of Hershey here - Special Dark anyone?

For me, it's taken a truly unanticipated bitter turn. My dear friend went in for an optometrist appointment to see why her vision was blurry in one eye. She went in expecting a callous on her cornea at worst, or a new prescription perhaps. She walked out with a brain tumor. A f---ing brain tumor! Allegedly slow-growing and likely benign. But there isn't much benign about a tumor that attaches itself to the lining of your brain, encroaches on your optic nerve, and is perhaps sending roots into your pituitary gland.

Her surgery is scheduled for June 16th - a date when my husband and I will be cruising along Route 40 somewhere in the vicinity of Oklahoma -- dog, cat, and guinea pig ensconced amid whatever leftovers don't make it on the truck. A difficult surgery with a difficult recovery and a few more risks than any of us really want to discuss. And I won't be here to help her in any way.

So while she works through anger and the legitimate question of "why me" -- I wonder with her. Why her? Why not me? Why are we gliding through while so many people we know are facing job losses, health problems, or just big uncertainties in their lives?

Or looking more globally - why are we born here, to enchanted lives, while others are born to proverty and struggle?

I wish I had answers.